


jamesandkeith week, the rough attempts

by jedikhaleesi



Series: jamesandkeith week 2018 [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: M/M, future works will fix this, tbh im out here with shitty writing and im gonna dump it here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-15
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-12 16:37:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,401
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15999161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jedikhaleesi/pseuds/jedikhaleesi
Summary: My works for jamesandkeith week on Tumblr. (Find me as crownedallura.)Day 1: ConfessionsDay 2: DreamsDay 3: Earth & SpaceDay 4: Fighter & LionDay 5: KosmoDay 6: Mutual PiningDay 7: Post-WarDay 8: AU (figure skating)





	1. from james

James writes the first letter with Keith’s right hook still tingling on the side of his face. He didn’t need a dressing-down from Iverson to know that he messed up. He wants to make it right, but he knows Keith probably won’t look at him after this, much less stand still and listen to him attempt to apologize. So he takes out a pen and a piece of paper and writes out the bare minimum of what he wants (needs) to say.

_ To Keith, _

_ I know what I said today about your parents was really mean. I’m sorry. I never should have said it. I totally deserved that punch. _

_ From, James _

He doesn’t send it or try to slip it into Keith’s room or anything. He probably should, but in this day and age letters are obsolete and a little strange. It’s an obscure way of connecting with other people. At least, that’s what he tells himself when he folds the piece of paper and tucks it into the drawer underneath his desk.

James writes the second letter after a flight sim where Keith effortlessly blows them all away. He wishes the sim instructors would look at him like they look at Keith: like he’s something out of this world, like he’s the pinnacle of all their hopes and dreams.

_ To Keith, _

_ I’m really jealous of your skill with the flight sims. You’re so good. But every time I get jealous I remind myself that I have better grades. _

_ From, James _

He adds the last sentence out of sheer pettiness. He wishes he was better than Keith in anything that really mattered.

James keeps writing letters. They become a way to say everything he can’t in person, because he and Keith have this tense rivalry that is only getting worse with time. He writes them when Ryan is out and about and hides them in the drawer underneath his desk. He knows he should probably throw them out. They’re humiliating and embarrassing, but it’s cathartic. Each letter says something that he could never make himself say in person.

After the sim scores are released, he writes,  _ Congrats on making the top of the list for the sim scores. You’re an amazing pilot. You deserve it. _

There’s one day in the cafeteria where James hears the familiar laugh of Lieutenant Shirogane. Like everyone else in the Garrison, his eyes are immediately drawn towards it, and he realizes that it was Keith who made him laugh. As soon as he gets back from the mess, he heads straight to his desk, sits down, and takes out pen and paper.  _ I saw you with Lieutenant Shirogane in the mess today. You were the most relaxed and happy I’ve ever seen you. When I looked at you, you were smiling. I’ve never seen you smile before. You should do it more often. _

As a lovely March afternoon comes to a close, Keith walks into the Garrison with a smile on his face and Lieutenant Shirogane by his side. They’ve obviously just been out for a joyride on the hoverbikes. Keith’s hair is windswept and in this moment, he is carefree and beautiful. 

James’ heart stutters in his chest. The letter he pens that night says,  _ I almost couldn’t breathe when I saw you walk into the Garrison today. _

* * *

 

Kerberos happens. James doesn’t have any words. He writes down something, even though it’s essentially nothing, and hopes for the best.

_ Keith, _

_ I’m sorry about Lieutenant Shirogane and the Kerberos mission. I know how much he meant to you. But you can’t let this affect your studies. You have to become a pilot. For him. _

_ From, James _

_ P.S. You keep saying that the Kerberos failure can’t be Lieutenant Shirogane’s fault. I believe you. _

James never finds himself able to speak to Keith. Without Lieutenant Shirogane, Keith’s anger goes unchecked. The Garrison instructors grow more and more frustrated with him, unwilling to put up with his outbursts, disobedience, and recklessness for the brief moments of brilliance that he displays in the sims. Eventually, Keith goes too far. The Garrison refuses to put up with any more. The next day, he’s gone, and it feels wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong. So he takes out paper and writes another letter. They’re beginning to collect in a stack at the bottom of his drawer, squashed underneath his school supplies.

_ Keith, _

_ I can’t believe you got yourself expelled from the Garrison! What are you going to do? Where are you going to go? _

_ What about Lieutenant Shirogane? He believed in you. _

_ From, James _

Still, James can’t find it in himself to stop. He keeps going, keeps writing, keeps spilling out thoughts to a person who will never read them or care about them.

_ Keith, _

_ I always wanted to be at the top of the scoreboard, but it means nothing without you around to see it. _

_ James _

Some time after Kerberos, three cadets go missing. The day before, Lance McClain was yelling down the halls of the Garrison. Garrett was following him obediently, and Gunderson was rolling eyes at both of them. The next day, he and his teammates are gone. The Garrison goes quiet. No statement to the public is released, the cadets aren’t allowed to speak to each other, and the higher-ups say nothing. 

Eventually, though, James begins to hear things. A spaceship crashing into the desert sand. A former cadet in a red jacket riding a hoverbike. Something big and blue coming out of the caves and disappearing in the night sky. It’s all very Night Vale. Or Twilight Zone. 

It’s memorable enough that he writes a letter.

_ Keith, _

_ Three Garrison cadets - McClain, Gunderson, Garrett - went missing recently. There are rumors among the higher-ups that you went missing with them and a prisoner who crashed in the desert. _

_ Wherever you are, I hope you’re okay. _

_ From, James _

Days pass. Weeks pass. Months pass. Finally, the Garrison releases a statement to cadets, personnel, and families. McClain, Gunderson, and Garrett are presumed dead. Keith isn’t mentioned, but by now everyone practically knows that he disappeared along with them. If they’re presumed dead, he’s presumed dead too.

A little voice in James’ head tells him that the higher-ups are wrong. Keith’s not dead, he knows it. No matter what Iverson and Sanda say, he knows that Keith is out there, living, breathing.

Now that Keith is definitely gone, the letters are the only way to reach him.

_ Keith,  _

_ The Garrison has finally made a statement on the disappearances. You are all presumed dead. I can’t believe it. I don’t believe it. I refuse to believe that you aren’t out there somewhere punching assholes and taking names. You can’t be dead. I know you’re out there. I know I’m right. I’ll wait. _

_ James _


	2. sweet dreams (are made of this)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James dreams, and the next day finds it scarily accurate.

Galra drones.

A dog. No, a wolf. Black fur and blue stripes. James thinks dimly that Earth wolves don’t have blue fur.

A black mechanical lion flying alongside his MFE. He turns his head to the left and realizes that it is a thing of beauty.

Something huge, bigger than anything he could imagine, falls from the sky. He can’t tell what it is, but he knows it isn’t good. It is silver, and purple light streams from it. It is fighting something much smaller than itself. James wants the smaller one to win.

Red and white armor, black hair, a familiar face…

James startles awake.

The dark of his room greets him, along with Ryan’s slow, steady breathing. He sucks in a deep breath, reminds himself that what he just saw can’t be real. Okay, who is he kidding, it’s totally possible that it could become real. The Garrison is the last military stronghold against the Galra. At some point in the future, whether or not they are ready for it, there will be a battle here. What its outcome might be, James refuses to consider. Dwelling on something like that for too long is a recipe for disaster.

He gathers his wits and stumbles out of bed and out of the room. It’s past curfew, so going outside is out of the question. He goes to the communal bathroom instead and grips the counter tightly.

In the mirror, he can see what he hasn’t had time to see before. This war has started to chip away at him both physically and mentally. It has chipped away at all of them, but there’s no time to stop and stare. There are shadows under his eyes and his uniform, while still crisp and stiff, hangs off a little more than it used to.

He thinks more about his dream. It can only be a dream, because he saw a face he hasn’t seen in years. Hell, James hasn’t even thought about Keith Kogane for years. (That’s a lie. James has thought about Keith Kogane at least once a week. Does he have a complex? Probably.) It must be that debriefing from Commander Holt that revealed the identities of the Paladins of Voltron that has him thinking about that git for the first time in forever.

The longest piece of his hair flops down in front of his face. James pushes it away impatiently, and tries to figure out why his dream was so specific. He’s never seen a lion before, never seen a wolf with blue fur before, so where is his imagination drawing this material from?

He thinks a little harder, and an image flashes across his mind. Platte City in its state of ruin. Why Platte, he doesn’t know. But at that instant he knows he has to go there. His dream is telling him to.

That is also the stupidest reason he’s ever had for doing anything.

* * *

When the MFE squad is sent out to Platte City to investigate a disturbance, James wonders if he could have asked to patrol there earlier. It might have been a fight, and Leif would have stared him down, but he could probably have explained it all away. it would have been very uncharacteristic of him, though.

They approach the site. Drones are swarming around everywhere, and there are figures in white armor attacking them. Even as James’ heart leaps up into his throat, he has to restrain himself from making some sort of comment to his team. His restraint isn’t necessary, though, because Nadia groans when she realizes what the figures in white are doing.

“Team, you know what to do,” James says before she can express exactly what’s on his mind with significantly more curse words. Nadia hmphs under her breath but follows his orders, and they take care of the problem.

He takes care of the last drone right as the figure in white and red is about to slash it in half. The figure turns around and yells at him, and the voice is so familiar. It’s him, he knows it. James wants to scream, because his dream was right. He puts no stock in dreams but this dream was right. Instead of screaming, he snaps right back, and then gathers the entire little party into the vehicles.

While Nadia is driving, he hears them taking off their helmets and murmuring amongst themselves. He steadfastly refuses to do either, even when Kinkade glances at him inquisitively. Usually by this point he would have at least removed his helmet. But if he does so, if he allows himself to look back, he will confirm his suspicion. He doesn’t want to.

And then at the Garrison, like a dumbass, he watches Keith interact with Commander Iverson with his helmet still on. Keith has gotten taller, leaner. He has a scar running down the right side of his face. The dream didn’t have the scar, or reveal how much he’s grown. It makes James slightly less uncomfortable.

The question remains, though: if his dream was right about Keith coming back, what else was it right about?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly didn't like half the stuff I wrote for this week, including this. lol


	3. earthrise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “We stopped missions beyond the atmosphere when the invasion happened. I hadn’t been past yet, and when I made officer I got the MFEs. And you know how they are. Short range and all.”

Shiro sits down in the chair and lets himself relax and reconnect with Black. She welcomes him back instantly. Years of being stuck with her in the astral plane has deeply attuned them to each other. Even if Keith is her chosen pilot, she and Shiro will always have this bond.

“So, Black,” he says, “I wonder if you could do me a favor.”

Black hums around him contemplatively, understanding his question without him even asking.

* * *

 

“Captain Shirogane wants you to meet him in the hangar at the Black Lion,” Ryan says as soon as he enters their shared room.

“Now?” James asks, a little bewildered. “Did he say what he wanted?” He and Captain Shirogane don’t talk much. It’s probably a matter of business, but he doesn’t know what it would be about. They’re in a nice resting period for now. There hasn’t been any trouble recently. 

Or maybe there has and that’s what Captain Shirogane wants to meet him about.

“Yes,” Ryan finally answers.

“Okay.” James shuffles around for his shoes and is out the door. If Captain Shirogane wants him now, he can meet him now.

* * *

“Is this going to work?” Nadia asks dubiously.

Captain Shirogane stands with his arms crossed, practically staring them all down. “I’ll make it work.” From behind him, the Paladins of Voltron minus Keith Kogane are nodding enthusiastically. Especially the blue one, Veronica’s brother.

“He’ll make it work,” Lance echoes now.

* * *

There is an insistent knocking at his door. Keith swings it open so violently it hits the plaster and makes a dent. He would wince, but he doesn’t care.

Pidge stands on the other side of the doorway with an eyebrow arched. Thankfully, she doesn’t comment on his aggression and simply says, “Shiro wants you to meet him in the hangar by the Black Lion.”

“Okay.” Keith grabs his jacket and is out the door in less than a minute.

* * *

When James gets to the hangar, he doesn’t see Captain Shirogane anywhere. He walks right up to the Black Lion, just as Ryan directed him to, but there’s still no sign of him anywhere. He stares up at the bottom of the lion’s chin, admiring the machinery. He loves his MFE to hell and back, but he would give anything for the chance to fly something as beautiful as the Black Lion one day.

Suddenly, the Black Lion powers up, light returning into its eyes. It moves from its previous position looking up into the sky and bends down so its head is on the floor. Its jaw opens, offering him a ramp inside.

Captain Shirogane must have directed the Black Lion to let him in from the inside. James wonders why he wanted to meet here and not on the Atlas. He’s never quite gotten the convoluted tale of who exactly is the Black Paladin, but he’s pretty sure that it’s currently Keith, not Captain Shirogane. But what he also knows is that Captain Shirogane can still control the Black Lion. Again, convoluted.

He takes a deep breath in and climbs up the ramp.

* * *

“Nice job, Ryan,” Nadia says as she watches James disappear into the Black Lion’s maw.

* * *

“Shiro!” Keith calls out into the hangar. There’s no response. He can see the Black Lion with its head on the floor, which means that Shiro must be expecting his arrival. He huffs. Why couldn’t they have had this conversation somewhere else? Somewhere more convenient? Shiro knows the hangar is halfway across the Garrison from his rooms.

Whatever. He practically stomps up the ramp into Black’s mouth.

* * *

“Keith’s inside!” Lance exclaims triumphantly.

* * *

James is surveying the Black Lion’s dashboard when he hears someone come in. He figures that it’s Captain Shirogane, so he immediately straightens to attention and turns to face him.

It’s not Captain Shirogane. It’s Keith.

They stare at each other for a couple of moments, both totally dumbfounded, and then they yell at the same time, “What are you doing here?”

“I have a meeting with Captain Shirogane!” James says defensively, at the same time that Keith answers, “Shiro wanted to talk to me!”

The Black Lion shifts under their feet and, without prompting from either of them, begins moving. Fast. Keith scrambles into the pilot’s seat and James clings onto the arm as the Black Lion moves out of the hangar and into open sky.

* * *

Shiro allows himself a satisfied smile as he watches Black take into the air.

* * *

“What is happening?” James yells.

“I don’t know!” Keith shouts back. He slams on Black’s panels and tries desperately to bring her back down to Earth, but instead of descending, she keeps going up. They soar through the sky, higher and higher and higher, until the Garrison is a little speck on the ground and they’re beginning to reach the outer layers of the atmosphere. Eventually, Keith gives up and just lets Black do as she pleases. James holds on desperately for the ride.

Black only stops once they’ve broken the atmosphere and have traveled a little ways into space. Keith puts his head down on the dashboard and groans. Why, why, why. Why is he trapped in Black’s cockpit with James Griffin, of all people. In bemoaning his fate, he doesn’t notice Black turning around to face Earth, but he certainly hears James’ gasp.

* * *

Lance gives Pidge a high five and turns to face the MFE pilots triumphantly. “I told you Shiro would make it work.”

“Yes, you did,” Ina says. “But there is still a high probability of things going wrong up in space.”

Lance’s triumphant grin turns upside down only for a second before he declares, “O ye of little faith.”

* * *

The look of wonder on James’ face is beautiful. Keith wants to put it on his face more often. He hasn’t seen it in years. The last time was probably before they joined the Garrison, when Shiro had come to visit with the flight simulator. That was before the Garrison wore them down, hardened them, turned them into steel. It was also before Keith noticed James as more than the annoying asshole with the best grades in class.

“I’ve never seen Earth like this before,” James admits lowly. His face is practically pressed up against the Lion’s viewing shield.

That startles Keith. “What?” he asks, more loudly and rudely than he intended.

Jame glances at him, a little embarrassed by his vehemence. “We stopped missions beyond the atmosphere when the invasion happened. I hadn’t been past yet, and when I made officer I got the MFEs. And you know how they are. Short range and all.”

Keith contemplates this information. It makes sense, now, how James has never seen the big picture of Earth. He hadn’t connected the dots. During his time with Voltron, he’s gotten to see so many planets from space that Earth doesn’t seem quite so special anymore. He looks out the viewing shield and tries to see Earth the way James is seeing it right now. As something familiar, but in a different light. Something beautiful and special.

He ends up looking back at James instead, and somehow that gives him a lightbulb moment. James is so familiar to him, but right now, watching him watch Earth, it’s another side of him. A side that was never really squashed by the Garrison’s rules and regulations. In his own way, he’s beautiful, too.

When he turns back towards Earth, it all makes sense.

* * *

“So you’ll do it?” Shiro asks, just to confirm.

Black purrs. She’s very amused by his request. That bodes well.

“Thanks, girl. You’re the best.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hm this was okay but i do feel like narration switches around too much


	4. the soiled is made clean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’ll do this himself. If it takes him a week, he’ll spend the week in here, cleaning the Black Lion, because she deserves it. And because Keith deserves it.

James knows there are people who can clean his MFE for him, but he likes doing it himself. One, they’ve got other things to do, and he’s not so important that he can’t do this. Two, there’s something comforting about getting his hands and fighter wet and soapy. Three, the way his MFE sparkles at the end is the most rewarding feeling he knows.

This is the first time he’s gotten to clean it after the whole invasion thing. He looks up at his fighter, all dirty and grimy and scuffed, and lets determination run through his veins. He’s going to get it clean.

Doing this gives him more peace than sleep can. It feels good to do something with his hands instead of standing around, listening to superiors drone on, even if it’s Captain Shirogane’s victory speech. Here he has a purpose beyond being the Garrison’s shiny publicity figure.

Speaking of publicity figures… James can’t help it, but he looks up at the lions lined up in the back of the hangar. They’re dirty and dusty, too, even more so than his fighter. They need to be cleaned. He wants to see them in their clean, sparkling glory. They deserve it.

The Black Lion in particular catches his attention. She’s the biggest of them all, and also the dirtiest. She makes James think of Keith, and how he’s still in the hospital recuperating. He hasn’t heard any updates about his health, which is worrisome. All the other Paladins are moving around and taking visitors. Last James heard, Keith was still unconscious.

He doesn’t realize that he’s stopped scrubbing away at his MFE until water begins to seep through the knee of his pants. He startles and moves away until the water is no longer dripping on him and rinses down his fighter for the final time.

James starts to walk away, but he can’t quite force himself to walk out the hangar doors. In fact, he literally has one foot out the door and the other still inside the hangar. People are flowing around him, ignoring his conflicted state, but it’s beginning to cause a traffic jam. He makes up his mind, turns around, and heads straight over to the Black Lion.

He looks up at her. She’s completely grimy. She’s also significantly bigger than his fighter. Actually, he’s not sure that he’s washed something of this size before. It would probably be best to get some help.

The idea irritates him. No. He’ll do this himself. If it takes him a week, he’ll spend the week in here, cleaning the Black Lion, because she deserves it. And because Keith deserves it.

James wonders if Keith will even know who cleaned her.

* * *

Keith, despite the warnings of his doctors, insists on being let out of his room as soon as possible. Recognizing that her son will do as he pleases, Krolia decides it’s better to have him do so under her careful watch. That’s how she ends up pushing his wheelchair around the Garrison hospital and eventually around the rest of the building.

One day, Keith requests to be taken to the hangar so he can see the Black Lion. Krolia, of course, obliges, and pushes him out of the room and in the hangar’s general direction.

There’s a giant glass panel on one side of the hangar that allows passerby to see all the goings-on without actually entering it. Krolia takes Keith up to the sixth floor so that they can easily see what’s going on.

Garrison mechanics are milling about, tinkering with the Atlas or talking among each other. The MFE fighters are all lined up in a row. One of them is so clean that it practically looks new. One of the pilots must have cleaned it themselves. Krolia has met the entire MFE squad, but she’s not sure which one would have done that. They all seem equally likely to take the time out of their day to take care of their fighters.

Keith is looking at the back of the hangar, where the Lions are all lined up in a row. Krolia follows his gaze. They’re all so dusty and dirty, it hurts to look. She knows what these beautiful machines look like in their prime. It makes her uncomfortable to know that the Paladins are physically unable to make them look as beautiful as they should.

Then she realizes that the Black Lion looks cleaner than the rest. She narrows her eyes and realizes there’s someone cleaning it. It looks like one of the MFE pilots.

“James,” her son says, quietly but with feeling, and she gazes down at him. His mouth is slightly open, and he’s leaning forward in his wheelchair. He seems awestruck. Krolia remembers that sometimes his father used to look at her that way, when he didn’t think she would notice.

There’s really only one reason that the MFE pilot would be out there cleaning Keith’s lion alone. There’s only one reason Keith would be looking at him like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me reading my own work: ....interesting
> 
> chapter 5 coming right up since i forgot to post yesterday


	5. a heartbeat at my feet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> James loves dogs. Kosmo is not an exception.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is! one of the only decent and finished ficlets from this week! lord help me

James has a Shiba Inu named Cindy at home. Or he had one, last time he checked, but that was before the Garrison forced them to stop communication with their families for safety’s sake. He’s not sure what happened to Cindy, but she’s always on his mind. She’s also the reason that he makes his offhand comment about wanting a Kosmo of his own. Truth be told, he doesn’t want a Kosmo so much as he wants his Cindy.

Any dog is better than no dog, though, so when Kosmo comes bounding up to him he immediately feels the urge to bend down and shower him with all the love he wishes he could give Cindy. The problem is, he’s in the middle of a conversation with Captain Shirogane, and that would be vastly unprofessional.

The captain looks at Kosmo fondly and gives the wolf an affectionate pat. Clearly, he’s never had a dog before. Dogs don’t want just one pat, they want all the pats. Kosmo, realizing that he won’t get what he wants from Captain Shirogane, turns back to James. His hands practically itch to reach out and start scratching behind Kosmo’s ears. He wants to pet this wolf so badly. He wants to lavish it with love.

They are still in the middle of the conversation. James pulls his attention back to what Captain Shirogane is saying, something along the lines of increasing patrols along the East Coast, but only briefly. Kosmo nudges James’ leg.

That’s it, Keith isn’t here to give this wolf love, James is gonna do it. Captain Shirogane asks about the merits of some sort of air formation, but James is too focused on Kosmo to formulate a reply. He kneels down on the ground and immediately puts his hands into the wolf’s dense, dark fur. As soon as he begins scratching behind his ears, Kosmo relaxes and comes further into his arms. James keeps petting him, not noticing the new arrival who starts talking to the captain. Eventually, Kosmo lies down and flips over onto his back. James knows exactly what the wolf wants. He starts giving him belly rubs.

“You’re spoiling him,” Keith says crossly from somewhere above them.

James promptly removes his hands from Kosmo’s fur and makes to stand up. Captain Shirogane gives Keith a look that he isn’t sure how to interpret. On the ground, the wolf whines. James glances at Keith’s peeved expression, then down at Kosmo’s puppy eyes, and sits back down. Kosmo practically leaps into his lap.

“He deserves to be spoiled,” James says, resuming his petting.

From above, Captain Shirogane chuckles a little, and then his boots move down the hall and out of sight. Keith’s boots remain right where they are. After a few moments, Keith lets out an annoyed sigh and sits down across from them. They’re blocking the hallway, but people flow around them as if they’re immovable parts of the building.

“You’re good at this,” Keith says.

James looks up at him. Keith’s eyes have gone soft as he watches Kosmo wriggle around in his lap. It seems to be a genuine compliment, without the disgust and discomfort so typical of their interactions.

“I have a dog at home,” he replies, voice as soft as Keith’s eyes.

Keith’s gaze flicks up to his. James loses his train of thought for a second and then breaks eye contact so he can continue speaking. “She’s a Shiba Inu,” he says, running his hand in a circle over Kosmo’s stomach, “and her name is Cindy.”

“Have you seen her since the invasion started?” Keith asks.

“No,” James admits. Emotion wells up in his chest, and he has to stop petting Kosmo to force it back down. He hasn’t seen Cindy, he hasn’t seen his parents, he hasn’t seen his home. He hadn’t even missed it until Keith brought it up just now.

Kosmo looks up at him with sorry eyes that seem to understand him. Keith’s wolf is so intelligent. James realizes that the corners of his mouth have dropped down and forces them back up. He hears shuffling to his right, and then Keith is rearranging himself next to him. He places a hand on James’ arm awkwardly, but the warmth is reassuring. James offers him the best smile he can give.

“I’ll see her soon,” he says. Keith nods, and Kosmo burrows deeper into his lap.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it cosmo or is it kosmo: the unresolved question


	6. Mutual Pining

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Watching James and Keith is like watching a soap opera. But this is real life, which means Nadia can actually intervene, Ryan and Lance can make bets, and Shiro can cry about having to deal with all this.

Nadia loves James, okay? She loves James, even with his intense attachment to the rules and that stupid piece of hair that falls in his face all the time. And because she loves him, she wants to help him find someone for himself. Someone who isn’t part of their squadron, who doesn’t grate on his nerves like Nadia and who doesn’t need him to explain multiple times like  Ina and who doesn’t force him into silence like Ryan does. **  
**

That’s what makes it so much funnier once she realizes whom exactly he’s attracted to. Keith Kogane always gets on James’ nerves, never understands what he wants to say, and constantly forces him into long, awkward silences.

Unfortunate circumstances (i.e. invasion of their home by Sendak) make Nadia shove this information into the back of her head. However, once Keith is up and running again and things are somewhat normal again, it crawls its way to the forefront of her mind. Having someone he doesn’t need to lead would be good for James, she thinks.

“Nadia, do not,” Ryan says. They’re the first words he’s spoken to her this week, but she is going to happily ignore them.

“Do you not see this?” she hisses at him, gesturing frantically between James and Keith Kogane, who are currently facing off in the middle of the hangar. If you didn’t look at them too hard, you would think they were only angry with each other. James’ arms are crossed over his chest, and he’s glaring down at Keith. Keith, in turn, is yelling up at him. Nadia is just waiting for him to kick James in the shin. If you’ve spent more than five minutes in their presence, though, you’d notice little things. Like the way James is swaying towards Keith but catches himself and straightens up every time. The way Keith moves in two steps and then forces himself to take one back.

Ryan nods, but his face is still scrunched up in displeasure.

“Okay, out with it,” she orders. “What’s your problem with me intervening?”

“This is a choice they should make for themselves,” he answers.

Nadia watches the two boys out on the floor continue their little dance. James leans into Keith’s space; Keith takes a step back. James straightens up; Keith throws his hands into James’ personal bubble as he gestures. “What if that choice is inevitable?”

“It’s still theirs to make.”

* * *

The only reason Ryan told Nadia not to do anything is because he has a bet with the Blue Paladin about how long it will take their brave and valiant leaders to do something about their very obvious attraction to each other. Lance McClain is absolutely infuriating and his reasons for why Kogane and James will get together tomorrow are ridiculous and just plain wrong. Ryan has Ina’s analysis of the situation to back him up. He knows he’s right. This mutual pining will all come to a head by next week.

He just needs one more day to pass, and he can get that one day by making Nadia not intervene, goddammit. Luckily, she seems to listen to him, and the day passes without incident. Lance McClain has officially lost their bet.

Ryan sidles up to the Blue Paladin and holds one hand out. McClain frowns at him, dumps credits into his palm, and says, “Not fair.”

Ryan raises one eyebrow. What’s not fair, goes unsaid.

McClain crosses his arms and stares him down. “You stopped your teammate from intervening yesterday. She would’ve at least gotten James to realize that he’s pining.”

Ryan shrugs. The whole motion encompasses everything he wants to say: that their bet guidelines included preventing intervention whenever they saw it about to occur, that James probably wouldn’t have realized that he was pining anyways, that it’s not just about one person having that epiphany but two in order for them to engage in a relationship.

McClain hmphs, displeased. Ryan lets one side of his mouth tip up teasingly.

* * *

If Shiro has to hear one more complaint from Keith about James, he is going to snap.

Well, that’s not true.

The correct statement is, if he has to hear one more complaint from Keith about James and if he hears about one more betting pool on them that Lance thinks he should join and if he sees one more loaded glance between the MFE pilots as they watch James yell at Keith, he is going to snap.

The thing about two people very obviously pining for each other is that it’s hell on their friends. In a military group like the Garrison, it’s hell on the superior officers, too. Shiro just wants them to realize this now. He doesn’t want to go into another meeting where James and Keith stare each other down from across the table with gazes full of anger and underlying sexual tension. Not only has he had enough of it, he’s pretty sure that it makes Commander Holt and Commander Iverson uncomfortable too.

Shiro did not die and was not forcibly resurrected so that he could watch his best friend and brother get blue balls from all the unresolved history and attraction with his former enemy. So when Lance comes complaining to him about how Ryan Kinkade didn’t let Nadia Rizavi intervene with James and Keith, he snaps the pencil he’s holding in half and slams his head on the desk.

“Why,” he asks the table.

“Because he wanted to win our bet!” Lance says. He’s in three betting pools which Shiro knows of. The one with Kinkade, which is over now; one with Pidge and Hunk; and another with Coran, Romelle, and Allura. He might be in more. Hell, he might be in one with Krolia, for all Shiro knows. He really wouldn’t put it past Lance.

“So they’re still not together.”

“Nope.”

“Just how long am I going to have to put up with this?”

* * *

If Ryan thinks James hasn’t noticed the extra credits sitting on his desk and the text messages from the Blue Paladin popping up on his phone screen, he is so wrong. James knows perfectly well that he and Keith are the subjects of a betting pool, but he’s not sure what it’s about. Maybe how long it’ll take before they snap and punch each other?

The best way to get Ryan to talk is to ask him questions he feels obligated to answer out of the blue. So James waits for his roommate to get back from the shower, and as Ryan is about to take his towel off, asks, “What did you bet with the Blue Paladin about?”

Ryan stiffens. Gottem, James thinks triumphantly.

“Something trivial.”

“If it’s trivial, I can know about it, right?”

Ryan only hmms. James rolls his eyes. Clearly he feels that he can’t answer James’ questions, for whatever dumb reason. Thus he must resort to more extreme methods. Fortunately, Ryan is facing the closet, turned away from the bed and the door. James stands up from his chair, takes his teammate’s phone from where it’s lying on the bed, and calmly walks out the door. As soon as he’s out the door he sprints down the hallway. When Ryan notices, he’s going to be on a manhunt.

“JAMES!” he hears from the direction of his room. That is the loudest shout he’s ever heard Ryan give. He runs faster.

He finds himself outside a familiar door. He doesn’t know quite why it’s familiar, but he can hear Ryan’s feet pounding on the tile, so he knocks desperately on the door. When it opens, he pushes his way inside and slams it closed behind him.

“What do you want now?” Keith snaps. Because James forced his way inside, they’re standing very close to each other. At this distance, James can see all the little details of Keith’s face.

“I just needed to see what Ryan was up to on his phone,” he answers, and turns it on.

_Lance McClain - How about another bet?_

_Lance McClain - About Keith and James, of course._

“What the hell are they betting on us for?” Keith’s face is right next to his own, reading the texts just over James’ shoulder. “Lance, I swear-”

_Lance McClain - This time I bet they’ll realize they’re pining for each other in two weeks. I’ve got Pidge’s analysis on my side this time. What’s your bet?_

When he finishes reading the text, James reads it again. And again. There’s no movement from over his shoulder. His hand is beginning to go numb, not from holding up the phone, but from the nerves that are coursing through him.

Everyone knows. Everyone has noticed. He’s been too obvious with the way he interacts with Keith. His teammates and the other paladins of Voltron have literally been betting on him. His only possible course of action is to retreat to the hangar and fly away in his MFE forever. There’s absolutely no way he can ever interact with anyone ever again-

“Are you seriously pining for me?” Keith asks, and it’s the disbelief in his voice that gets James riled up.

“Yeah, I am!” he retorts crossly. “What, am I not allowed to like brave and attractive guys with serious fighting and piloting skills? You’re the one who should be pining away for me!”

Keith scoffs. “There is absolutely no way I’d ever pine after some hot guy who can competently lead a defensive squad on the front lines of a Galra invasion. Don’t be ridiculous.”

James stares at Keith. Keith stares back.

“I really like you!” James yells at him.

“Well, I like you too!” Keith shouts, just as loudly.

* * *

Pidge stares down at the two figures making out on her screen. “What the fuck,” she says softly to herself. “What the fuck.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hated my response for this prompt the most. I actually wrote the first part about Nadia (well, half of it) intending for it to become an MFE pilots!shenanigans fic and then it fell apart. I honestly might rewrite it the way I originally wanted it to be


	7. peace without victory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He’s approaching the fringes of the cemetery, and in front of one gravestone he can see a figure kneeling down with his or her forehead pressed against it. Keith stops, about to turn back to give them privacy, when he processes familiar brown hair and long, lean hands gripping the gravestone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yES i am uploading THREE CHAPTERS in ONE DAY because i can. also tbh this is the best piece out of my eight works for this week

His mom would and will never ask him to leave his dad before he’s ready, but Keith can tell that she wants some alone time with him. It’s okay because he’s already had so much more time with Dad than she has, and he always has the future, too. He puts a hand on his mom’s shoulder, tells her that he’ll met her by their hoverbikes, and moves away from the gravestone.

He has time on his hands before his mom wants to leave, so he wanders through the cemetery. Since the Galran invasion, it’s gotten significantly bigger. It spills out of the little square of grass and into the deserted lot nearby now. Keith feels a little guilty walking through and seeing the names of people he used to know. Yeah, they weren’t the nicest to him, especially after his dad died, but they didn’t deserve to die at the hands of the Galra.

He’s approaching the fringes of the cemetery, and in front of one gravestone he can see a figure kneeling down with his or her forehead pressed against it. Keith stops, about to turn back to give them privacy, when he processes familiar brown hair and long, lean hands gripping the gravestone.

His heart begins to pound in his chest, and though he should turn back, his feet drag him forward. Step by step, he closes the distance between himself and James. Even though he can hear leaves and grass crunching under his feet, James doesn’t look up. He’s either unaware that Keith is approaching or chooses not to acknowledge it. As Keith comes closer, he realizes that it must be the former. James’ eyes are pressed tightly together, as if holding back tears, and his hand is gripping the gravestone so hard that his knuckles are turning white.

Keith surveys the tombstones.

 _Bruce & Natalie Griffin_ are the names written on the joint headstone to the right. The one James is currently pulverizing has the name  _Elena Griffin_.

Oh.

Keith remembers how during their Garrison days, James wouldn’t shut up about Elena. Every time he received a letter from home, all the other cadets damn well knew whom it was from. Elena was four years younger than them and could do no wrong. Elena loved horses. Elena wanted to go to med school and become a pediatrician. Elena was a star. Elena was everything.

“James?” he asks tentatively.

The other boy’s head snaps up. He really must not have heard Keith approaching. He opens his eyes, and to Keith’s surprise, no tears spill out. His expression turns from startled to something bitter and which Keith really doesn’t like.

The next words out of James’ mouth are utterly shocking. “Who misses his mommy and daddy now, huh?” James laughs a little, like he can hide his vulnerability and grief with caustic jokes about their shared past. Keith frowns. James turns back to the headstone and leans his forehead against it again.

He forgave James for that stupid comment a long time ago. They were young, dumb, and immature, and when Keith finally met his mom he stopped caring about that comment. When they came back to Earth, James had changed, and Keith knows that the current James Griffin would never even think of saying that to him.

It’s with that knowledge that Keith kneels down next to James and pries his fingers off the headstone. The other boy’s fingers are cold and tense, and he folds it in between his own, willing warmth back into it. “I’m sorry,” he tells him.

Silence stretches between them. James has closed his eyes again, but this time tears push their way out and begin rolling down his cheeks. “I wish I could have saved them,” James whispers.

The guilt in his voice makes Keith surge upwards and pull James into his arms. James goes willingly and drops his head on his shoulder, and Keith feels his tears soaking into his jacket. Beyond this, he’s not sure what to do, but he begins stroking James’ back with circular motions, and that seems to work.

It takes only a few moments for James to recompose himself, and when he does, he starts saying something that Keith has to strain to hear. “The Garrison cut off our communication with our families during the invasion,” he says, voice muffled against Keith’s shoulder. Keith tilts his head so that his cheek is leaning against James’ hair. “Afterwards, they reopened communication channels but I didn’t get anything.” James laughs bitterly again. “I thought they were just busy or something, I don’t know. So I came back home and people told me that they were dead.” His voice breaks on the last few words, and Keith feels a new outpouring of tears onto his jacket. He holds James tighter.

James is laughing and crying at the same time, and Keith’s heart is breaking for him. “And then I asked where Elena was, because I had to take care of her if our parents were dead, and they looked at me like I was stupid and said she was-” He cuts himself off abruptly. His hand convulsively tightens around Keith’s in an iron grip.

They sit there between two gravestones as the sun begins to set. Keith lets James cry into his shoulder, and all he can really say is “I’m sorry,” over and over again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the real reason i'm uploading three chapters is because i want to be done with this mess and start rewriting


	8. give me gold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In every universe, James Griffin and Keith Kogane are rivals. Or: a small portion of the figure skating AU nobody asked for.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have so many more plans for this 'verse omg

James stares up at the scoreboard with defeat spreading through his veins.

He’s lost the national title  _again_.

Next to him, Coach Sanda  _tsk_ s, openly showing her dissatisfaction. James puts on a smile for the cameras as he leaves the kiss and cry and heads backstage. They’ll be doing an interview with Keith in a few minutes, so he needs to clear the area.

He really thought he had it this time. His short program was good, clean, and he had ended the first segment in first place. Keith had been a little sloppy and had landed in second. In the day between the short and the free programs, James had been constantly telling himself that he could totally take the title, as long as he had a good free.

He had skated a good free program.

Keith had skated a spectacular free program.

As he walks backstage, Coach Sanda a good ten steps behind him, he passes Keith and Shiro, who have their arms around each other’s shoulders and are smiling broadly. It’s strange to think of Shiro not as Shiro, but as Coach Shirogane, when only two years ago he was still skating. Albeit in a different event, but Takashi Shirogane’s reputation spread far and wide beyond pairs skating.

“Congrats, Keith,” he forces himself to say.

Keith’s attention snaps over to him and turns tense. Beside him, Shiro offers James a brilliant smile. James looks at them and wishes that he could be as close to his coaches as they are with each other.

“Thanks,” Keith says, a little hesitantly, and they pass each other. Coach Sanda herds James back towards the media section. James goes, reluctantly. He hates media interviews. In fact, he can already hear the reporters asking, “So how does it feel to be second place again?” It feels terrible. He’s always chasing Keith. He’s been chasing Keith since they were kids at the same damn rink.

Luckily, only one reporter gets in a few questions before the medal ceremony starts. Coach Sanda herds him back to the rink, and when his name is called, he skates out on the ice, waving to the crowd. They cheer for him thunderously. When he reaches the podium, Keith is already standing on the top step. The third and fourth steps of the podium are empty. The USFSA is strange like that: they announce the winner first, then second place, then third, and then they have the pewter medalist in fourth place.

He smiles up at Keith tightly and extends his hand. Keith gives him one that looks just as uncomfortable and shakes his hand. James steps up onto the podium, bends his neck, and allows the USFSA official to slip the medal over his head.

He consciously restrains himself from looking at the gold medal resting on Keith’s chest. He doesn’t want his jealousy to be immortalized in pictures.

* * *

The good thing about being second at Nationals is that it practically guarantees him an Olympic spot without all the pressure of being the national champion. His international results have been good enough over the past few years that Coach Sanda tells him not to worry because USFSA will “see the right of it”.

They do see the right of it, and at the unholy hour of 3 AM, James gets the text.  _The USFSA has selected you to represent the United States as part of the 2018 Olympic figure skating team. Congratulations._  In the darkness of his hotel room, he grins and holds his phone to his chest. Then, across the room, he sees Ryan’s phone light up on his nightstand.

Ryan ended Nationals in third place, and he’s had some moments of brilliance, but his international record is a little inconsistent. James doesn’t want to wake him up if it’s not good news. As quietly as he can, he tiptoes over to the nightstand and looks at the message.

_The USFSA has selected you to represent the United States as part of the 2018 Olympic figure skating team. Congratulations._

James fist pumps. He won’t know who else is on the team until tomorrow, but he’s glad that he’ll have at least one rinkmate with him. He shakes Ryan until he wakes up, shows him their matching messages, and share a hug. They’re going to the Olympics.

The next day, the Olympic team is herded into a photoshoot. The United States did pretty well for itself at last year’s World Championships, where Olympic qualification spots were decided, and they’ve ended up with enough slots for three men, three ladies, three ice dance teams, and one pairs team. But the skaters pretty much all fall under two clubs, which are colloquially known by reporters as the Garrison and Voltron.

The Garrison mostly produces singles skaters. There’s James and Ryan for men’s skating, and Ina and Nadia for ladies’. James is ridiculously happy to see them at the photoshoot. He hadn’t seen them at breakfast, and the placement of American ladies is always shifting, so he hadn’t been sure.

Voltron, however, produces anything and everything. They have Keith, of course, but they also have the pairs team of Katie Holt and Hunk Garrett. Strangely enough, though Allura and Shiro were pairs skaters, and Coran was a singles skater, they also coach an ice dance team. The McClains are on a quest to prove that sibling teams can do well in ice dance and apparently while having unconventional coaches as well. They’re weirdly intense. James has only talked to Veronica, but he has a feeling that talking to Lance would leave him feeling just as off-kilter, if for different reasons.

The ladies are ushered into the front row, and the guys in the back. James is told to practically plaster himself onto Keith’s back so that everyone can fit into the picture. Where she’s seated diagonally from him, Nadia smirks. He’s never going to hear the end of this. At least Ina is seated directly in front of him, so she can’t turn around and look at him without causing a scene. Ina hates causing scenes.

Although Ryan is still on the other side of Keith, and watching him with eyes that are laughing.

James hates his rinkmates.


End file.
